Well now,
my bene elohim
I promised you a story.
This one is
from the book of
great expectations,
a fairytale collection,
from the sons of sons.
It is rather prosaic, but, well, just listen....
"
Look, look,
an opening,
to heaven.
Between the gray grey mass of clouds
a small blue aperture to the light.
Slowly this inlet too was blocked.
There appears to be no way out,
the young one thought gloomy.
Although,
when he focused less on that one narrow crack
and searched the skies on the left,
he saw there too heavenly blue.
After a brief while
that path too
was cut off by the grey,
but that first inlet
to which he intuitively had sent his will
was still present.
Tiny but there.
Straight in front of him.
As if El had not yet written him off.
Still extant in the book of books.
An odd and nervous calm descended upon him.
But for a miniscule opening
heaven was completely closed
to him by the gray and grey.
Still he realized
that behind that veil
the light was ever present.
Despite his understanding
and foreknowledge,
his future was him obscure.
That, that what he wanted
and, what he momentarily did
was not congruent.
That only what he pretended
to want went rather succesfully.
In short, a brilliant career
and future in society.
But just that distressed him
for he knew
in his heart of hearts
that he wanted to
and was supposed to
do something else.
Anguish,
he felt so often.
And he wanted out
but where to and how.
Meanwhile
the whole sky had turned
to somber grey.
He wondered
to what extent he
himself was liable,
while he saw no way
out, well not yet....,
that his fear
and reluctance
for his current future
smudged the skies grey.
He knew
that tomorrow
he would
....or the day after....
he would
delude himself
he would,
but ever aware
of the guile,
feign happiness
or at least contentment
with his more than less
successful li(f)e.
Meantime it had even started to snow.
His heart yearned
for a sign -from Shalom-.
And....
he thought honestly
Lailah at his side
who would endorse
his uprising
against the status quo.
No...., more than that,
she would welcome
his insurgence.
He wanted out
out of a homeland
out of the old worlds
out of himself mainly....
to where it began
to the universe
or anywhere.
He wanted
thát
right now
for which he
was destined
And,
just as he thought
anxiously
that just maybe
his destiny
was his current li(f)e,
he saw
light and blue
on the horizon.
Part of the grey dissipated....
He calmed down
again
and he knew
that the last
panicky thought
would not become
true....!?....
Slowly his calm mixed
with a sense of love
and he thanked Elah.
That only
with which he
kept on struggling
was
the when the how the where.
The strength in him
and the reassuring
eternal presence
of HaShem
kept him up
....where others
had fallen....
Ah yes, he even felt sorry for the Fallen....
He pondered
that his initiation
and reaching
the seventh step
complicated
an earthly and social li(f)e.
No, it made it, in fact, impossible.
He wondered therefore
how long
he would have to stand out
being grey.
"
And with that, my little brethren,
this chapter of his li(f)e ends.
Yet it does have a sequel.
But that's another
bedtime tale.
Say your prayers, colour your dreams,
waltz in and do your deeds of emancipation....
Good night.
© 03 Nov. 1984 - 03 Sep. 2020
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